a moment of clarity

Sometimes your life flashes before your eyes in a good way.
This evening we scrounged around the house for change -- man I can't wait to start getting a paycheck again! -- and went to Taco Bell just for the air conditioning. (And because the Daddy is totally into the new "Good to Go" things.) We're enjoying our gourmet dinner when another family walks in: mom, dad, little girl, maybe four years old. She sees Ghoulie and says, "Oh, a baby!" to which her father replies, "You were that small once. Long, long ago." A few minutes later, a young, pregnant couple walks through the door. And two minutes behind them, four teenage girls, fresh from the pool, bathing suit outlines soaking through their clothes.
Suddenly, my past (times two) and my future were standing together at the counter of a fast food restaurant. To add to the moment, Martina McBride's "This One's for the Girls" started playing on the Muzak. All as I was staring at my own beautiful baby girl. And to see where I've been, and where I'm going, laid out in front of me like that, made where I am seem pretty damn good. Even if we did pay for our dinner with spare change. (For the record, I am getting paid tomorrow. But that's tomorrow, not today.)
The point is, I suddenly realized that the daily frustrations and pressures of life as it is now are as temporary as this heat wave. Fleeting, even. Desperately waiting for the time when Little Ghoulie sleeps through the night means waiting for this time, with the still-novel smiles and coos and gurgles, to end. Wishing for a time when the money will be flowing in again means, in a sense, wishing for long(er) days of work, when I will have less time to spend with her. So I've decided I don't want to rush this time. I don't want to be dissatisfied with what I have. Because someday I could be an old woman in a Taco Bell somewhere, seeing my past all around me. And wondering where my future went.
(Of course, here's hoping that by the time I am an old woman, I'm eating somewhere a little classier than Taco Bell. In the meantime, I highly recommend the "Good to Go" things, especially if you're breastfeeding. Great for one-handed eating.)