IT happened

Dear Somebody's Grandmother (thankfully, not my Little Ghoulie's),

Congratulations, you are the first. After five months without encountering your kind, I was beginning to think you didn't exist. Today, I stand corrected.
First of all, my baby is a girl. Bald or not, I would think the PINK sweatshirt would have given that away. I would have introduced you, too, if you hadn't pissed me off so much before I got the chance. Which brings us to the matter at hand:
Perhaps it has not occurred to you that some young mothers actually do know what we are doing. Perhaps it is beyond your comprehension that I have my own pediatrician, books, magazine, and websites full of advice, and above all, concern for my own child. Perhaps you can't deal with the fact that the "rules" have changed in the last 30 years since you had children. Perhaps you haven't noticed that, October or not, it's pushing 70 degrees outside. My baby does not need to wear a hat today. No, she was not hatless because I wanted to "give a poor grandmother a heart attack," as you put it. She was hatless because she would have been too freaking warm with a hat on!
Here I was, unsnapping the neck of her sweatshirt to make sure she didn't get too hot. Here I was, dripping sweat myself and wishing I had worn a tank top. And here you were, giving me a lecture on how you knew I didn't want "him" to get sick, so why wouldn't I put a hat on "him"? And how you can't believe doctors these days, how they just don't tell parents about this anymore.
Guess what? They do. But they say, Your baby needs fresh air. Your baby can overheat, so don't overdress. And anyway, babies (and adults) DON'T get colds from being cold. They get colds from being shut up in the house all fall and winter, thank you very much.
Yes, I realize that I myself am wearing a hat. It's a baseball cap. I am not wearing it because I have the audacity to dress myself warmer than I dress my baby. I'm wearing it because, trust me, you don't want to see my hair before I've showered. My baby is, as you so promptly pointed out, pretty much bald, and doesn't have this problem.
And yes, I know that What to Expect the First Year and BabyCenter and iVillage and BabyTalk and everybody else say that I should have graciously listened to what you had to say, thanked you, and forgotten about it. I tried that. But then you proceeded to treat me as if I was actually a BAD MOTHER, because I obviously didn't care what you had to say. And maybe I did not seem so gracious when I finally cut you off to say thank you (even though we both knew I didn't mean it), and then walked away while you were still talking. Apparently I can't follow the experts' advice all the time, after all.
But even that is none of your business.
So lady, walk your dog and shut the hell up.

Very, very sincerely,
Hatless Ghoulie's Mommy