Christmastime revelation #2: I am so uncool

Pregnancy stole my fashion sense.
I am a firm believer in the concept that the price you pay for a piece of clothing should be relative to the number of times, or the length of time, you will wear it. And I refuse to drop more than $30 on anything I would/will be wearing for less than five months. Consequently, I spent the second and third trimesters of pregnancy in jeans, T-shirts, and tank tops from Motherhood Maternity and Old Navy. I should also mention that my birthday is on Christmas Day, so I have essentially one shot at getting any clothing or accessories that I cannot justify buying for myself. Since last year I received only maternity clothes -- per my wish list -- I haven't had many new non-pregnancy clothes in the last two years.
Last night at the mall it finally occurred me: I am just not cool anymore. Once upon a time -- and I am talking way back, like middle school days -- the mall was the center of the fashion universe. You wore, like, your coolest, raddest clothes for a day at the mall with your friends. And then there were those annoying adults in their jeans and sweatshirts and sneakers taking up space with their baby strollers, giving you dirty looks for acting stupid and obnoxious.
I was not wearing sneakers, per se, but I was wearing comfortable, sensible shoes. I also did not actually give any teenagers dirty looks -- but I thought mean looks at them. Because they're stupid and obnoxious.
Feeling down, I went into Express to look for jewelry for my brother's hip girlfriend. Nothing but long, dangly earrings that Ghoulie would love to yank out of my ears. Perfect for B., of course, but no longer practical for me. *Sigh.*
On to Victoria's Secret, strictly for body wash and lotion. Guess what? Victoria's Secret is not set up to accomodate new mothers! Not only do they depress you by displaying half a zillion cute outfits that just would not look quite as good on you as they used to, but they set up their displays about 18 inches apart from one another, covered in long, sweeping satin cloths that get caught and tangled in stroller wheels. No I am not kidding about this. We almost took out the entire Very Sexy collection.
Now I have two New Year's resolutions. The first, decided a good month ago now, is to quit the red meat habit. Again. (Pregnancy not only took my coolness, it also turned me into a meat-eater.) My second resolution, made at the Express jewelry rack at 8 pm last night, is to get rid of this uncoolness. Or, at least, return to some minor semblance of fashion. So family, if you have any shopping left to do, make me hip again.